Stuck in the Summer
Thoughts on Summer Fixations, Motives, and New Interests
“Post” Pre-Departure. Wait. Is that even a thing? Originally, I would have already moved in and completed my first week of university, but I’m sitting in the recliner at my home, scrolling through Instagram, and planning my trip to leave the country. You’re sucked in, you might as well read more…
(Some August Thoughts) - In a nutshell, this summer has consisted of graduating from high school, working, the Fourth of July with friends, a trip to Chapel Hill, more work, a trip to Kentucky, and now I’m moving into college. Oh wait, that’s right, everyone else is doing that. Not me. I’m still at home. It’s not frustrating but, kinda odd. Currently, I am stuck in the middle of planning for a year abroad, friends moving to college, and friends going back to school. Okay, maybe I am a little frustrated. The whole ‘solo’ planning process to go out of the country is overwhelming. I truly wish that I could just pack up my bags and leave today BUT it’s simply not that easy. And my scholarship check hasn’t been dispersed yet, so it would also be very irresponsible of me to go ahead abroad. I’d be broke before I even got there. So, that brings another topic this summer has thrown at me…my fixation on money.
(My current and mental economic state) - I’m no finance bro. I don’t even really know how insurance works or where to go to invest (Cinnamon Carpenter will eat me up for this one). What I do know, is that I know how to spend money. And I also know how to save money. But, what is unfortunate about both of these, is that my supply of money is never where I want it to be. Being an adult is expensive. I spend money on groceries and gas. But these are expensive. I have put the majority of the tips and paychecks from this summer toward savings, but every time I turn around, I’m out of something that immediately forces me to press the devious button on my banking app. I don’t even want to say it….”Transfer BLANK from SAVINGS to CHECKING.” This is such an anxiety-triggering word to me.
Let’s be honest with each other, I am paranoid about going broke and not having money gives me anxiety. I am great at saving money, and I work my ass off all of the time and eat uncrustables, yogurt, crackers, and peanut butter for dinner; and that number in those accounts still isn’t where I want them to be. This mindset has had a hold on me this entire summer. I caught myself forcing my hand on the steering wheel in the opposite direction away from the CookOut a few days ago while convincing myself “I have food at home.” There was in fact, no food at home. I ate a leftover cucumber, applesauce, hummus, and crackers, and guess what…an uncrustable. (If you can’t tell, those have been my summer fixation.) I blame Instagram reels for my unhealthy relationship with the dollar bill. I have watched too many “Traveling” and engaging “Destination must-sees” for my upcoming year, that you and I both know would drain my accounts to the nearest penny. So, to make sure I make the most out of my year abroad…I have slowly started saving more and purchasing items I know I will need or want to have for my trip to prevent last-minute panic packing. That brings me to my next topic…my new interests.
(My new motives and interests, that I may or may not be taking to the extreme) - Hi, I’m Owen, and I’m a photographer. (And a wannabe influencer). Okay, yes. I bought a camera and potentially trying to start a lifestyle photography business. Is this crazy? It’s definitely not out of the ordinary for me, because I did win the superlative of “Most likely to be a social media influencer,” but this is so insane. I think my brain is getting too large for my head. Someone, please take me to Malta already…
Okay, Owen, focus…I bought, wait. let me rephrase that…I invested in a camera (because, also let’s be real, purchasing any equipment that your phone can also do, is an investment.) I wanted to make sure I purchased one far enough in advance before my departure to make sure I knew how to operate it. I was so excited. I had just gotten my paycheck (oh wait, another non-adult-ish and irresponsible decision) and knew that at that time if I bought a camera, I would still have enough to put into my savings. I had also just planned a trip to Kentucky to see family and this was the perfect opportunity to test it out.
I walked into BestBuy, saw the price of the camera (and tried to ignore it) and flagged down the employee to get one out of the case. I got the cheapest SIM card and the cheapest camera bag they had. Walked up to the counter and the salesman approached me and began to lecture about protection plans and store credit cards. To avoid him and the little amount printed on the electronic registrar, I quickly got out my phone and started responding to SnapChat notifications. The guy was nice, don’t get my words twisted, he was only doing his job, I truly just didn’t want to back out of purchasing it because of the price, so I had to take preventative measures to justify my decision.
After lending out a hefty chunk of my hard work to the BestBuy and Cannon camera company, I got home and opened the camera box. This is where I kind of regretted my decision because I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I had to look up a YouTube tutorial just to attach the neck strap…
->>> Fast forward to Kentucky, and after seeing the results of my photos, I returned home and had a new spark for this hobby.
(I’m stuck. Summer is almost over and I don’t know how to leave it.) - With the initiative of my gap year, my new camera, and my passion for things related to lifestyle and fitness, I want to create something for myself. *NOTE* (I am not getting “bored” but I am also taking on too much for my plate) I have so many plans and ideas, my father is just trying to keep up with all the questions and information I throw at him. He was surprisingly on board.
This Summer has gone by faster than expected, but I don’t know how to leave it. Seeing all of my friends move off and start the next chapter of their lives and all of my friends from home starting their senior year here, I have taken on the new role of “Stay-at-home brother.” I have attended all of my middle sister’s tennis matches and I have been a personal Uber for my younger one. With that, not returning back to the typical classroom and seeing everyone else’s “dorm room tours” has really been difficult for me to grasp. I’m planning on going to Malta in the middle of September, but technically, still don’t really know ‘Where I’m going,’ and how to transition into the classroom of the world. I guess I am just going to have to bring a pen and paper on the first day, right? Well, with my passport as the hall pass of course.
In summary, this is a tribute to the Summer of 2024. Thank you God for giving me THIS season in my life, the moments to celebrate, the freedom to experience life alone, and being able to cherish my time at home before I depart.
My Summer in Review Verse for Thought - Ecclesiastes 3:1-12
